Back to India

"How could I live one day without music, how could I live one day without you? How could I live one day without music? You're always in my head..." - India Arie's "You're Always in My Head."

Some days, this emptiness, or 'something-is-kind-of-missing' feeling overcomes me. It's like a 'constant craving' for something, a thirst that no matter where I go or what I do, I just don't know how to quench.

At these times, I feel helpless, restless and a little lost, because I don't even know what it is I'm looking for. And then, something happens, sometimes it's just the smallest thing, that brings me back to myself, makes me feel more grounded, more like I belong, at least for a little while, anyway. And lately, this saving grace has been MUSIC. Actually, music has probably always been there for me, but more recently, I feel it, and hear it MORE- deeper, stronger, louder- inside me.

Maybe I just need it more now. And somehow, it has shown up for me in a way I never knew it could. In the last few days, especially, I have surrounded myself all over again with an amazing singer-songwriter who had a huge effect on me a couple of years back. I used to listen to her words, her voice, her messages every day, many times in a day, and each song, each line, even her breaths between the words spoke to me, as if she understood exactly what I was feeling or thinking. And nothing has changed in that respect.

India Arie, since I first discovered her, has filled my mind with new ways of thinking, new ideas- "strength, courage, and wisdom", as is the title of one of her tracks. And each time I connect with her in this way, I feel a little more found again, even now.

Every single one of India Arie's songs individually, touches a different part of me, a different emotion, memory, or thought. But her albums and concerts are also a work of art as a whole, in totality, because they are designed to take us through a kind of journey within. Arie begins and ends each CD and each concert in what she calls a prayer. These prayers, discretely woven into the fabric of the music, are in the form of a beautiful song, sometimes about love (she used "Ready For Love", in one), other times about history, some about racism, forgiveness (her cover of Don Henley's "Heart of the Matter"), and hope, and some simply about God and divine guidance. It's as if Arie is always reminding us that prayer, and God, are everywhere, all around us, and that they reach us in all kinds of forms. We just need to be open to them, to allow them in, and to take the time to see them.

This must be why, no matter where I am, or how lost I might feel, Arie's music grabs a hold of me in a way that assures me that things will be okay. I can feel it in her voice as she sings "This too shall pass".  She means it, and believes it, and she makes me believe it too.  Even though I may not know exactly where I am headed, I can be rest assured that there is someone or something looking after me; that I am "headed in the right direction".



Blue Miller, India's guitarist and co-lyricist, had an Aunt Pearl who had a dream that Blue was going to write a hit song called "Headed in the Right Direction." And when he told India this, she sat and worked on a song with that title, and turned it into one of the tracks on her album Voyage to India.  Arie cleverly references the aunt in the line, "Now I've found my Pearl of wisdom, there's no need for me to be afraid."

Arie's music is never just about herself. She sings about family, friends, all races, places, and humanity in general.  One of her songs celebrates the musical greats of the past.  "This is in remembrance of our ancestors- Sam Cook and Marvin Gay and Donny Hathaway, and all that came before, you've opened up a door, 'cos of you, change gone come."  She has praised Stevie Wonder for his "honesty of artistry", for being her "hero", for "touching her soul", in "Wonderful," her tribute to him.   And many of her songs praise God -"God is Real," and the magical forms of expression He has created, especially the power of MUSIC.  

 

In fact, Arie has a song that is simply about her love of Music, how she could not imagine living without it.  She describes it as her "cool breeze on a summer's day, her river running through a desert plain, her shelter from the pouring rain, her comfort even before the pain."  In this song, "Always in My Head,"  Arie describes how music is not just in a concert or symphony or band, but everywhere- "a tin can rolls across the gravel like a tambourine"  It's all around us and she acknowledges how grateful she is for having a part in it: "If you were a shoulder, you're where I would rest, but I am your vessel, so I hear you in my head."



I was always fascinated by India's music, but it wasn't until I saw her in concert live a few years back that I really got hooked.  India is not just a performer, she is truly an artist, an artist that shares herself so fully with her fans and audience.  My friend Michelle and I attended that concert at the Commodore together, and it was so incredible that we had to go back a second time a year later when she was playing at the Orpheum.

From Arie's first note, I felt overwhelmed with such a rush of emotions. I wasn't feeling great that night, but her energy just brought me back to a sense of pure gratitude for the moment.  I just knew I was exactly where I was meant to be at that time.

Not only was India so real and so open with her audience, just as she was in the previous concert, but she also brought her mom out onto the stage, to finish off the last piece of the night.  Both of their voices resonated throughout that theater well after they walked off stage. And maybe that was part of the reason Michelle and I decided not to leave. I just wanted to hold on to all of it, and not let it go.

When everyone else was heading out of the aisles, up the stairs and out the doors, Michelle and I stood staring at the stage and just walking towards it. The security guards and ushers were trying to get people to leave, but somehow, they didn't push too hard for us to go.

It just seemed as if we were meant to stick around.  And within a few minutes, India Arie's mom came back out on stage to pick up some of the flowing scarves that Arie had used throughout the concert. Michelle and I reached out our hands to her thanking her for the inspiring night.

The woman was humble, and sweet, just like any other mom. And then she did something that, well,... my own mother would do: as she bent down to pick up the last of the scarves, she said, "Why don't you come back stage and meet India?"

Her hand gestured for us to follow her, as if she was just casually inviting us over for tea or something.  Michelle and I looked at each other with a combination of excitement and disbelief.

Of course, we were ready to follow. But, the next moment we looked up, Arie's mom was gone. She had left the stage before we could find out how we could get behind it. The security guards said we had to have passes, and we watched as girls were trying to sweet talk the guards, flirt with them, do anything they could do to get past them. But each one was turned down.
 
Michelle and I knew that wasn't even our style, anyway. So we just waited, near the backstage door, not really knowing what we were going to do.

Within minutes, the side door opened and someone slipped out of it. My back was towards him, but when I turned around, I recognized him to be none other than the amazing guitarist- Blue Miller. He was right behind me.

Us with Blue Miller- mean guitarist
and amazing lyricist



He smiled and said hi, and I told him how much I admired his songwriting. I knew Blue was responsible for many of the very poetic and profound lyrics throughout Arie's songs.  And I felt so honored when he took the time to share some writing tips and inspiring words with me.  He also seemed genuinely interested in Michelle's piano background and encouraged her to pursue her dreams with her music.   He then told us about his Aunt Pearl's dream, and how Arie was so willing to just go with the idea for the song. And we got so caught up in the conversation with Blue that we kind of forgot about wanting to get back stage. He was so fascinating to listen to, and so down to earth. And he even ended up giving Michelle and I one of his autographed guitar picks each, which I still have, and will treasure forever.

Blue neeeded to get back stage, so we said bye, but just before he disappeared through the doors, I mentioned how the reason we ended up sticking around for so long was because Arie's mom had invited us backstage to meet India. "Well, if India's mom said you could come back here, then you should listen to the woman. Come on in! You can be my guests," said Blue with a hardy grin. And just like that, he held the door open to us, and Michelle and I followed him backstage.

We talked with Blue a little more, and met some of the members of the opening artist's group- the Raphael Saadiq band. And then, I saw her. India Arie was within a few steps of us, and was heading our way.

I think Michelle was calm and smiling, and told her what a pleasure it was to meet her, whereas, I couldn't get a word out for the first few seconds. I didn't want to say something stupid. And then out came the words, "I play your music in my car, when I get up, throughout the day and I even sleep to it. You're amazing. Who needs self-help books when you've got India Arie."  

India Arie, Mishee and I

Arie laughed and smiled, and said thank you. And let me tell you, she is just as beautiful and glowing and soothing in person as her words and voice are up on stage.

Michelle and I got a picture with her, and one with Blue. And after talking to some of Raphael Saadiq's crew, Michelle and I ended up going out to dancing with one of the musicians and his friend later that night.

The memories of that incredible experience have come flooding back to me in the last few days, because I decided to turn back to India and Blue's words for lessons, learning, inspiration and guidance once again. Listening to their music after so long, I appreciate it even more, the way it helps me grow and dream again. 

And I have come to think that maybe the emptiness I thought I was feeling at times is more like a space...not a lack, but an opening, or room to grow. And this space means that I can always allow something new to come into it, just as Arie's music opens me up to new ways of feeling and seeing.   After all, you have to make space if you are wanting something to come into your life.  "I want to live with an open heart," sings Arie in one of her interludes.

And she does just that, with thousands of people around the world. She shares not only her joy and love, but also her pain and heartache.

And so, I've resolved to accept this feeling of being lost sometimes, not as a negative, but as a blessing... something mysterious, and unknown, but something necessary and beautiful at the same time. An opening of the heart.

Because, as India Arie sings, "...now that I've opened up my heart I know that anything I want can be. So let it be."

Just let it be.
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Some of my favorite India Arie tracks:
 He Heals Me; Therapy;  Wonderful- A tribute to Stevie Wonder;  Always in My Head;  Beautiful Surprise;  The Truth (he is);  Strength, Courage and Wisdom;  Little Things (I love this video);  Ready for Love (beautiful video);  India's Song;  I Am Not My Hair- feat. Akon; I Am Not My Hair- feat. Pink (just found this one!);  Slow Down